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Seamus an Chaca

By my trowthDon’t dump on the Irish or you may go down in history as “Seamus an Chaca,” translated as James the Shit.

A Catholic monarch in 1688, King James II of England put the Protestant powers in a tizzy by granting all Christians the right to worship as they pleased. A big hit with the Irish, but a job killer for James.

The Protestant establishment called on William of Orange, a Dutch Protestant to invade and eliminate James the Free Love Hippie Flower Child. Within the elite, James was not a popular guy and had little support. It might’ve had something to do with him ogling their wives “mightily.” Even his daughters, Mary and Anne, jumped ship and sided with William of Orange (Mary’s husband). James lost the throne and moved to France.

Two years later, the Dethroned One returned via Ireland with an army of French regiments, bolstered by the Irish, often armed only with farm implements.

In 1690 on the River Boyne, north of Dublin, they hit a formidable wall composed of

Pope Alexander:
Pope Alexander: “What? Louis 14 was a douche.”

William of Orange’s forces, the Dutch Blue Guard, along with many Dutch Catholics. The kick in the Irish gut was William’s key ally—Pope Alexander VIII (not a fan of the French king, Louis XIV).

During the Battle of the Boyne, James’s forces were overwhelmed and the French cavalry organized a hasty, but orderly retreat. Meanwhile, King James Two hauled his butt to Wexford and slinked back to France.

Kiss it!
Kiss it!

This vanishing act did not sit well with the Irishmen who’d fought fiercely with no more than pitchforks in hand. Hence, on the Emerald Isle, James is forever associated with a stinking pile of excrement.


“The Battle of the Boyne.” BBC News. BBC, n.d. Web. 01 Oct. 2015. <>.

Murphy, Colin. “Seamus an Chaca.” The Priest Hunters:. Dublin: O’Brien, 2013. 33-36. Print.

Photo: “Carfania & Marcolf: Different Positions for Mooning Judges.” Purple Motes. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Oct. 2015. .

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